


i know that you love me (even when i lose my head)

by elsironwing



Category: Iron Fist (TV), The Defenders (Marvel TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Somewhat Fluffy Moment, F/M, Speculation, author uses too many italics, danny and colleen talking through things, i guess?, this is all matt murdock's fault
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-25
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2019-07-02 04:29:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15788991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elsironwing/pseuds/elsironwing
Summary: "You haven't been home in days. You barely sleep when you are home. How many times a night do you light that fist up?"My take on this part from the trailer, and what this scene could turn out to be.





	i know that you love me (even when i lose my head)

**Author's Note:**

> if i don't post this right now i'm going to pick it to pieces forever so. here it is. this was a prompt from someone wanting my take on what that part of the trailer/scene could turn out to be. So here's what I hope we get: them communicating and talking about things and being okay. (hopefully this is what happens)
> 
> Two weeks to season two!

Danny hasn’t been home in a couple of days, and it’s  _ worrying _ . She’s heard from him, she knows he’s safe, but it doesn’t change much. Recently he’s been going out more,  _ doing _ more, to the point where he’s out more than he’s home. Colleen understands, she  _ does _ , and the fact that he’s doing a lot of good is undeniable. But it doesn’t change the fact that he’s been gone, a  _ lot _ . 

But now that he's here, she's not sure what to say to him. She knows that they need to talk, that something had to change because it’s  _ not working _ . There’s a part of her that’s anxious, a sick feeling in her stomach, nervous about bringing anything up simply because she doesn’t want anything to go wrong. The rest of her knows that either way, she has to say something. 

Danny is standing by the door taking his shoes off, and looks up at her as soon as he realizes she’s standing there, offering a tired half smile. He looks exhausted, completely worn out, and all she can do is give him a sad sort of look because the sight of him like this makes her heart ache. (part of her wishes she had it in her to go out and help him sometimes, but the idea of that, of fighting, is still too much. the fact that she can’t makes her feel  _ weak _ )

“Hey, Colleen,” he says as he moves to sit in one of the chairs in the kitchen, all but collapsing into it with a slight groan that she almost doesn’t hear. The sick feeling in her stomach won’t go away. 

“Danny.” she hesitates, takes a deep breath, knows she has to stay  _ calm _ , that that’s most important. “Are you okay? Are you hurt?” 

“No, not hurt. Just tired,” he says, sighing, rubbing at his eyes before looking back up at her. She walks further into the kitchen, until she's standing just a few feet from him, trying to gather her thoughts.

“That’s not surprising,” she starts, slowly, still a little unsure. “You haven’t been home in  _ days _ . You barely sleep when you are home.” she tries to keep the shaky note out of her voice, fails, takes another breath. “How many times a night do you light that fist up? I  _ see  _ how much you’re pushing yourself, Danny, and it’s not good.” She sighs. “It’s not okay.” 

“I’m just trying to keep the peace,” he says, and he  _ sounds _ more exhausted when he says it, lifting his head a bit to look at her with tired eyes.  

“And you are, Danny, but…” she looks away for a moment. “The city doesn’t need you every night, all of the time. And you’re no use if you’ve worn yourself to the ground.” It comes out maybe a little harder than she intended, but Danny doesn’t seem all that fazed, just rubs at his eyes again and looks a bit resigned to the fact that this conversation is happening  _ now. There’s no going back now _ , she thinks. 

“I know. I do know that, I just… it feels like every time I stop, something goes wrong, someone else gets hurt, and it could’ve been something I stopped. Matt wanted me to-”

“This isn’t about Matt, and this isn’t about what Matt did or didn’t ask you to do. This is about  _ you _ .” she takes a breath. “You are starting to fall down that same path he did, and from what I’ve heard from Claire, that never ended well for him.” she crosses the distance between them, reaching out and gently cupping his face with one hand, waiting until he finally looks up at her to continue. “I just don’t want you to go down that same path. You have to take care of yourself.” 

Danny places his hand over her’s and shifts a bit to press a kiss against her palm, sighing. “I know, I just… I hate taking breaks, being here when I could be out there,  _ helping _ .” 

“I get that, I do, but you need to be  _ home _ sometimes too. You need to rest and eat and have time to relax. And honestly? I miss you. I miss having you home on a regular basis, I hate not seeing you for days at a time.” It makes her feel almost clingy saying it, but it is the truth. (she won’t apologize for that, won’t lie to him ever again)

His grip tightens on her hand and he looks up at her now, his expression very clearly that of  _ guilt _ , like maybe this hadn’t really occurred to him yet. “I suck at this,” he says, standing up and moving his hands to rest on her upper arms. He looks at her sadly, anxiously. “I didn’t even think-  _ shit _ .” 

“I’m not trying to make you feel bad about that Danny, so please don’t start down that path. It is what it is. I just think that we need to figure something out, because this isn’t going to work.” she rests her hands on his waist, taking a moment to just be relieved that he’s  _ here _ and okay, alive and breathing still, warm beneath her hands. 

“What you’re doing isn’t _bad_.  I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be doing it, I don’t have problems with  _ that _ , but the way you’re going about it? You’re hurting yourself, running yourself into the ground and if you keep going like this, then there won’t be anything left of you to protect the city.” 

She hates this, hates watching him slowly fall apart like he has been over the past few weeks, whether he’ll acknowledge it or not. He’s finally found something to put his focus on, but he’s taking it several steps too far, and she doesn’t think that he realizes this. 

“You’re right.” he looks away for a moment, takes a breath. “You are. This feels like something I am supposed to be doing, I can’t  _ stop _ .  I just… don’t know how to change this, right now. ” 

“Well, for starters, you should take a shower. Eat something. Get a full night’s sleep.” she suggests. 

“Yeah, all good ideas. But eventually I am going to have to go back out, I can’t leave it for too long-” 

“Not tonight, and not tomorrow night. I think if you want to make this work, you’re going to have to find a balance, Danny. At the very least, being home a couple nights a week and not spending days gone, either.” she pauses. “You’re putting one hundred percent of yourself - your time, your energy, your focus - into protecting the city. And that’s not going to work long term. It just  _ won’t _ . I know that this is part of your life, and that’s fine, but it’s not all of it. You have a life here at home, you have the company, you have me… the city doesn’t need one hundred percent of you, all of the time.” 

“... and all of that deserves the same amount, if not more, focus than the city,” he says. “I’m sorry I’ve been neglecting all of this,  _ you _ , most of all. You don’t deserve that. I’m sorry.” 

“It’s _ okay _ . I’m not angry with you, not in the slightest, just  _ worried _ . I don’t like watching you hurt yourself like this, and yeah, I do want you to be home more. This is something that I think we can figure out, make all of this work, but not tonight. Right now, you need to go shower, change. I’ll heat up leftovers.” 

“I don’t deserve you,” he says, pulling her into a tight hug. She wraps her arms around his waist and clings to him, and he smells like sweat and dirt and there’s old blood on his shirt by her, but she doesn’t mind. After not seeing him for a few days, it’s  _ comforting _ . He presses a kiss to her temple before he pulls back. 

He leaves, then, heading for the bathroom after grabbing a change of clothes. Colleen waits until she hears the water turn on before getting the leftover takeout out of the fridge, finding a different dish to heat some of it up in. By the time it’s finished the water is shut off, and a few minutes later he joins her in the kitchen again.

Even that had helped a lot, and he looks much better, more alert than before. The tension seems to have lessened too, and he looks more relaxed in general as he enters the room. He grabs forks while she moves the bowl over to the table, not even bothering to grab a plate because there doesn’t seem to be much of a point. 

She leans back in her chair while Danny starts eating, checking her phone and staring at the text from Claire asking after them and considers answering it, only to decide she doesn’t have the energy to think about that tonight. 

The  _ clink _ of Danny setting a fork down in front of her draws her attention back over to him. 

“You have to eat, too,” he points out, which,  _ fair _ . She hasn’t exactly been the best about that either, recently. 

“Yeah, okay.” 

“Thank you, for not… freaking out about this. I know it's a lot, it's not  _ easy _ , but…” 

“Danny, I told you - I'm not angry with you. I'm  _ not. _ We just… have to figure some things out.” 

He nods. “We do.” 

She leaves it at that, because all that could be said tonight has already been said. The rest can be figured out tomorrow. Danny looks like he’s about to fall asleep at the table, so she nudges at him with her foot and waits until he looks at her. 

“Go get some sleep. You look like you’re about to pass out.” 

He doesn’t even argue, just quickly helps her clean up (despite her insisting he just go sleep) before he finally heads to the bedroom, her following after him. He strips off his shirt before pulling the blankets back and laying down, immediately rolling onto his stomach and burying his face in the pillow with a slight groan. She can see, now, the bruises across his back and older cuts and scrapes, some she’d known about and some she hadn’t. It’s not a good sight. 

Trying not to focus on that, she quickly finds a tank top to change into before stripping out of her jeans and climbing into bed next to him, dragging the blankets up over the both of them. She reaches over to turn off the light before settling back down, curled up on her side. 

“...want to hold you,” Danny mumbles after a moment, halfway into the pillow, groaning slightly before rolling onto his side. He reaches out for her and she doesn’t hesitate to move over into his space and curl up in his warm embrace, not at all opposed to this idea after not having him home most nights. He shifts them a little into a more comfortable position, with an arm wrapped around her waist and the other across her shoulders. She forces herself to relax after a moment, allowing herself to curl up more against him. 

They'll be okay, she knows that. They've gotten through worse things than this, and always managed to figure it out. It’s what they  _ do _ . (she refuses to listen to the voice that suggests that maybe this time will be different). She cares about him too much to let this ruin it, knows he feels the same.

_ We’ll be okay.  _

**Author's Note:**

> i really don't feel like I captured them well at all here in this one so let me know if it felt weird or not good? thanks <3 
> 
> I am trying to fill prompts I have before season 2 comes out, because if they end up breaking up in season 2 it's going to kill my motivation to write them for a while, so. (they better not). So if anyone has any prompts, let me know because this is helping me get through the wait!


End file.
